


The secret I loved to keep

by LobbyLane



Category: The Producers (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 19:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10367652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LobbyLane/pseuds/LobbyLane
Summary: Max gets angry... Leo stops talking. And Roger and Carmen discover something no one ever dared to think about... A story I had in mind for quite a while. Leo/Max Slash





	1. The Secret

"The deal was simple: Never change a running system. Just stick to it. We've both agreed on it years ago. It works out fine the way it is. So why should we change anything? What the hell do you expect?"

"I thought maybe there was a chance.."

"A chance for what? What is it you're fantasizing about in you weird little mind?"

"The one chance you might have become someone else in the past few years...I thought maybe you started opening up to me as I did to you... and then maybe the hope you'd understand.."

"Understand! How on earth could I possibly understand? How could anyone?"

"Yeah. … I'm the fool"

...

'Three weeks and still no sign of a normal behavior. He doesn't look at me. He doesn't talk to me. Most of the time he acts as though I wasn't there at all. Is this fair?' Leo thought, watching Max from the corner of his eyes. He sat there, seemingly miles away, continuing his deafening silence.

Leo looked down, pretending to get through the pile of papers lying in front of him. He'd expected Max to be against it. But he never dreamed of it taking the shortcut to a fight that would cause the both of them not talking anymore. It was so strange, so bizarre and most of all so unnecessary.

Max did his very best to ignore him. Whenever Leo walked in the office, he wouldn't even lift his head. When Leo sat there completely silent, Max would push some papers over to him from time to time but remained silent as well. Only once, Leo grew so mad at him, he followed the urge to stand up and scream until there wasn't any breath left in him. Still, Max only flinched for a short moment, looked at him for a second in disbelief and then continued to whatever he was doing before. It was enough to drive you up the wall. And Leo certainly couldn't cope with that. He didn't know how to react. Sure, he thought about breaking this everlasting silence by just taking the first step and talk to Max himself. But he couldn't do it. He simply couldn't. Why? He wasn't able to tell. Glancing inside he thought maybe he was too scared of yet another fight. Even the idea of Max starting to scream at him made him shiver. But now...

He wished he had said something. Even if the biggest fight both of them ever had in their longtime friendship was about to come up, at least there would've been a sign of recognition from Max.

….

"You what?" Carmen and Roger screamed in a very unnatural height. "But you two ...you split up. That was over a year ago..!"

Leo nodded. "I know that. But I thought,...well, it seemed like a nice treat to get involved once more."

The older couple still stared at the young man in disbelief. Carmen was the first to find his voice again. "Involved? In what? What the hell were you expecting? That she'd take you back?"

"I dunno" Leo admitted. "I thought...I wanted to let her know there are no hard feelings about all that happened. And after all, it's just a job...you know...working together."

Roger and Carmen just shook their heads simultaneously. "And what comes next? What if it doesn't work out? What if there are hard feelings? What if you just haven't recognized them yet? What..." Roger sighed for a short moment and caught himself again. "Leo... What about Max?"

'Here we go' Leo thought. The one topic he's been trying to avoid. The one question he dreaded, for it would lead to many many more questions. "What about him?"

He never noticed he could sound so cold, even though he was shaking inside. "It's none of his concerns whom I work with." He felt anger arising inside. Bringing up Max was a horrible thing to do. And they kept doing it all the time. Roger and Carmen somehow evolved their strange thoughts around the idea of Leo being completely lost without Max. He knew that, even though he never spoke about it before. He was certain they noticed their weird behavior lately and was relieved neither Carmen nor Roger pierced him with questions until now. But this changed now rapidly.

"Well, I thought you were partners?" Carmen said quietly.

"Yeah, business-partners" Leo answered a little annoyed. "So I can decide to cast someone as well as he can, can't I?"

Roger however looked at him in shock. "He doesn't approve at all now, does he?"

"What?"

"Oh, come on Leo!" he raised his voice. "Do you think this 'Not-Talking-Nonsense' both of you are up to for weeks now maneuvered its way around us?"

"No...no, I was sure you must've noticed" Leo answered and looked to the ground. Then he sighed. "Well, yes... you're right! He doesn't approve..." He tried to avoid their gaze. "Not at all."

Carmen took a step further to Leo and gently put his hand on Leo's shoulder.

"Leo, you must admit bringing Ulla back into game isn't fair... Not for yourself and...well, not for Max for that matter."

"But.."Leo began, but Carmen shook his head. "She did hurt you, didn't she?"

"You were so down when she left you a year ago and it took you an eternity to get over it" Roger jumped in. " And now, you really want to go through all that again?"

"It's not like that" Leo interrupted. "I'm not feeling the urge to start a relationship with her again. It's just... I feel...I feel I owe her..!"

"Owe her what?" Roger asked after listening to all of that.

"Owe her something true" Leo answered. "I must've been a terrible husband."

He felt their eyes on him.

"Well, why else would she have run off like that? I guess I sort of want to apologize in any way. Show her that it wasn't my intention to hurt her."

Leo turned around and rushed out of the theater, leaving Carmen and Roger behind him.

"He still didn't get over her" Carmen said quietly. Roger nodded. "I thought he forgot by now." Carmen looked at him worried. "Roger?"

He simply nodded. "I know" he said. "We gotta talk to Max!"

...

"What do they know?" Leo thought. He was breathing hard. His steps grew faster. He was running through the crowded streets without even the slightest clue where we wanted to go. "She must've left me for a reason. There must be something I've done wrong. It's no big deal. I just want to make it up to her. All I want is showing her I never wanted to hurt her."

He stopped and leaned against a nearby wall. His body was shaking. Whether out of exhaustion or out of anger he couldn't tell. "Not fair... to Max? Why the hell would he care? He couldn't stand her. From the moment she was with me he literally hated her" he told himself. "It's because he's more selfish than anyone else I know... He couldn't get her, so no one else should." Leo closed his eyes. He almost hated himself for thinking that way. He used to see the good in people after all. And what was he thinking? Max was...well, Max. He was his friend and partner in business. He owed him everything. But come to think of it... He hadn't really changed much over the past few years. Whenever he saw an advantage for himself he would let Leo fall as quick as he could. Thinking about it Leo knew this was true. He opened his eyes again and raised his head.

"He simply must understand" he thought. He tried to convince himself that this was the right way to handle it. Only problem was he couldn't get rid of that feeling. A feeling of shame. It felt like betrayal. Again. And he was so sure it wasn't. But why did it hurt so much to think of it?

...

Max felt like he could slap that boy. This idiot. How could he do this? Bringing her back. After all she'd done to him. After all the struggle he had getting her away from Leo. It was over. He knew that. Leo was recovering more every day since she left. He nearly was his own self again. And now this. Worst of all he thought no one would ever mention this old story again. But it seemed his past was chasing him now. Max opened the doors to the balcony of his office and stepped outside. He leaned over the balustrade staring into the streets. And now? Leo didn't talk to him anymore.

"You old fool, Bialystock" he thought and sank his head. "You didn't dare to say anything anymore as well."

He knew exactly why. He was scared. For the first time in his life, he -Max Bialystock- was scared of something. Saying anything would have led Leo to a lot of questions. If he'd just agreed to bring Ulla back... No. Not an option! The possibility of him finding out was too risky.

"Are you going to clear this mess up?" he heard a voice from behind him.

Like shaken awake, Max whirled around. "God damn-it, Roger" he said. "Can't you at least say something when you enter here? You're giving me a heart-attack."

Roger folded his arms. That look! Oh, Max knew for sure what lied in store for him now.

"Listen, Roger. I know what you're gonna say" He began. "But I can't..."

"Well, you must" the taller man interrupted. "Leo's confused, angry and God knows what else."

Max shook his head. "No no no! You know what happened" he said. "How could I possibly tell him that?"

Max went inside again, passed Roger without another look and sat down on the brown leather couch in the middle of the room. Roger sighed and followed him.

"Listen to me" he sat down beside Max. "I know you had something to do with Ulla disappearing like that, but I actually never understood why."

"You had something to do with it?" Carmen closed the door behind him.

"Oh, damn it Roger! Did you bring the whole neighborhood?" Max yelled a little annoyed.

"Don't get abusive. All I want is to help the both of you."

Max put his hand to his head and turned away from them. He took a deep breath.

"Why didn't you tell him?" Roger asked after a while.

"Why should I? He saw what she was like" Max answered almost immediately.

Carmen's eyes grew bigger. "Would anyone be so kind as to explain yourself?"

Roger turned to look his partner directly into the eyes.

"He sort of split them up."

"What?"

"Yeah, it's true. He planted this idea of touring into that Swedish Blonde's head" Roger said quietly.

"Oh Come on now. I didn't do that" Max turned around again. He seemed to be ashamed.

"Well, yes you did." Roger replied. "You did tell her that was a good idea. And haven't you been the one giving her the opportunity to audition for these productions?"

"Oh, come on. That's a bit of a stretch!" Carmen interrupted. He sat down on the couch, crossing his legs. "Getting cast and making progress on stage isn't exactly a bad thing. Why would that make her split up with Leo?"

Roger crossed his arms and shook his head. His mouth formed a slight smirk. "Oh, there's more...much more. Believe me, Darling!"

Carmen's eyes widened and he slowly stared from Roger to Max. "What else?"

Max sighed. He ran his hand through his hair for a moment, then looked up at Carmen again.

Carmen simply stared back at him for a moment. Then he seemed to realize...

"Oh" he replied. The younger man was sitting upright now.

"Oh?"

"Um, I thought the whole introducing her to other male actors did make them split up" Carmen answered to Max's gaze.

"What?" Roger was confused. He looked pretty dumb for a moment, but quickly collected himself again. "OK, whoa... How many stories are existing here? I mean...Max?! Which story is true now?"

"Both are!"

"What?" Carmen and Roger tended to sound pretty much the same once in an outrage. Max had heard them doing it several times before.

"Truth is..." he started staring out of the window again; avoiding their eyes. "... I actually introduced her to many actors over the last years. All of them tall and handsome guys. Until there was this dancer. A very large beautiful guy with golden hair. I knew he was exactly the guy she would fancy. And she did. You could see it. The way she looked at him was telling everything. And when he told me he was cast for this tour-production abroad, I tried to convince her to go for that goal."

He didn't dare to look at them. He knew they didn't believe what they'd been just listening to. He knew he shocked them beyond all measures.

It was foolish of him. He cursed the day Roger came into the room and heard everything he told Ulla about his touring ideas for the new "Broadway-Star". Even though he could convince Roger he was only thinking about Ulla and her career, he knew for sure Carmen did notice the numerous amount of slender and good-looking men he sent over to her dressing room every other day. Both of them asked him about it, of course. And both of them believed what he said, Max was sure of that. But now... It sounded so mean, so devilish repeating the whole story altogether. And Max sensed what would be the next question...

"Uh,...Why didn't Leo go with her?"

There it was. That damn question. He knew he had to answer. He knew they would never believe a made-up story. And, being quite frank, nothing he could think of sounded at least plausible to himself...How on earth should he convince them?

Max leaned his head on the window pane. He closed his eyes again. He could hear his own heart pounding in his ears. The sounds from the streets outside sounded muffled. It seemed like ages until he found his own voice to answer again:

"Because... because I told her it was inhibiting to bind herself only to one producer... That...that she could achieve so much more working with other people...especially if they were as famous as the ones she'd meet abroad..."

He heard Carmen gasp slightly, whereas Roger seemingly stopped breathing at all.

"You...did what?" Roger said after a while. "Max...!"

He sounded so shocked, so accusing and so unbelieving.

"I..." Max started anew. "I reminded her that being alone with that dancer she fancied so much would be a great bonus to all this..."

He could hear Carmen getting up. His footsteps were fast and forcing..and they grew louder.

He could feel a hand grabbing his shoulder forcing him to turn around. Carmen put his other hand on Max's other shoulder and his grip forced him to look straight into Carmen's eyes. Max didn't dare to move. He didn't even dare to breath. He stared into these furious eyes, he had never seen like this before.

"Listen...I..."

But Carmen simply lifted his head and in the next second slapped him across the face. Max hardly noticed what happened at first. He stumbled a few steps backwards looking at Carmen in shock but turned his head down in an instant.

Carmen on the other hand looked as though he would explode any moment. He was furious.

"How could you?...How on earth could you do something like that?" he screamed.

Roger ran towards them, holding Carmen back so he couldn't attack Max once more. He was struggling with Roger to let go of him.

"Carmen...Darling...Calm down" Roger raised his voice.

"No...no...Leo was right" Carmen looked at his partner in a desperate way. "He indeed isn't caring about anything. He did such a horrible thing...just out of jealousy... because... because Leo's had something he couldn't get."

He turned to address Max again, who still wasn't looking at the two of them.

"Did he say that?" Max thought by himself. The thought of Leo thinking something like that, caused a painful feeling inside of him. He never thought he could so much be in Leo's disfavor. He thought Leo trusted him. He thought they were friends. And he was so certain his partner hadn't had a clue he caused their divorce.

"Max?" Roger and Carmen turned silent. Something wasn't right. There was something about Max, half bended over the couch with his hand holding the red side of his face and a look of deep despair that almost scared them. They'd never seen anything like pain on Max. A pain of another kind... almost as if he was suffering deeply within...

Carmen and Roger let go of each other and looked confused.

"Max?" Roger asked softly after a while. He stepped a little closer and solicitously placed his hand on Max's back. "Max?... Why did you do that?"

Max opened his eyes again, but was still staring at the ground. He felt tears in his eyes and he knew Roger and Carmen would most likely have noticed them as well...

"Because... I love him."

~To be continued~


	2. The Keeping

He tried to act casual. After all, he didn't do anything wrong, did he?

Max sat quite a distance away from him, not lifting his head at all. He was watching the actors on stage trying their very best to impress.

Whether he was avoiding him on purpose or really just focusing on his job Leo could not tell, but he was pretty certain there was no chance to get through to him right now.

He turned again pouting. Why would he care? He found himself looking over to Max every now and then and each time it made his insides flip. If he was right -and he was certain of that- why did he try to make any eye-contact all the time? It bothered him a lot. He didn't need Max's approval. He didn't even need him finding his plan okay. But somehow...

"Did you talk to her yet?" A whispering Carmen stood behind him.

Leo whirled around. He hadn't noticed him coming closer.

"I...er...No. No, not yet," He answered blushing slightly. He knew he should have. And he knew he could not waste too much time, if he wanted this to work, but somehow he didn't quite know what to say. How on earth was he supposed to contact her again after all they'd been through. She obviously never once tried to make anything up to him. He blamed it on himself all the time. Maybe he really had been just as useless as a husband as he was as a friend after all.

He felt Carmen's hand on his shoulder and looked up to him once more.

"Well, I guess you should do it soon," Carmen said, smiling.

"I know," Leo tried hard to lift the corners of his mouth into a smile as well, but probably must have looked pretty silly for Carmen started to giggle slightly.

"I...well, I just don't know what to say," He admitted and felt that uncomfortable blush on his face once more. "If only I'd know what to say..."

Carmen's expression changed. He almost looked pitiful right now, yet understanding.

"Leo?" He said very quietly. "Come with me!"

Thus, he took Leo's arm and pulled him up from his chair dragging him out of the theater. Leo was too perplex to say anything. He simply followed the slender man without really knowing where he wanted to go.

Carmen pushed the stage doors open and both of them stepped outside. The bright daylight blinded Leo at first and it took him quite some time to get used to it again. He covered his eyes with his arm for a moment, blinking a few times until he felt comfortable again.

As soon as his sight was back to normal he turned to look at Carmen, who stood next to him watching him closely.

Then, he started to smile again.

"Come on," he said and headed towards the street.

Leo was confused, but followed him without hesitation.

…

"Do you think this is wise after all?" Roger asked.

Max sighed. A little annoyed he almost let his head fall down, rolling his eyes.

"What is this going to be? Another bad conscience – session?" He asked without really looking up. He knew exactly what Roger was about to try here. He had watched Leo leaving the theater with Carmen from the corner of his eyes. Naturally, he did wonder about it, but he hadn't dared to say anything; to break the silence between them. It would have felt like agreeing indirectly to that outrageous plan of Leo. And he had never been able to take the first step, nor did he really see the necessity to do so. If Leo wanted to behave like a child he'd let him. If Leo wanted to go through this emotional pain once more, he'd let him.

"Now," Roger took a chair and sat down in front of Max, blocking his sight at anything else on purpose. "Don't you dare pretending to avoid him because he's acting childish!"

How the hell did he do that? Max was a bit taken aback by that sudden accusation yet wondered how Roger managed to nail it perfectly all the same. Was he really that obvious?

But Max wouldn't have been Max if he admitted anything. So, he simply cleared his throat shortly, looking straight into Roger's face.

"Well, he is," He said. "So, I'll just let him. Don't tell me it doesn't matter to you at all whether he leaves in the middle of auditions or not? He just doesn't get it what this is about."

"No Max! It seems you don't get it," Roger said, causing Max to give him a look of confusion mixed with rising anger. "After what you told us yesterday you shouldn't return to that defiant self of yours but actually try to set things right."

Max held his breath and in the flash of a second got up from his chair, pushing a stunned Roger outside the hall into a small dressing room besides the stage.

"How dare you saying something like that for everyone to hear," He hissed as soon as he'd closed the door. "Have you lost your mind completely?"

But Roger just grinned. "So what's the point?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Heaven's Max! Do I really have to explain this? If you are in love, then why do you hide it?"

Max felt his face getting hot. Why did this made him feel embarrassed after all? In a way Roger was right. But he just didn't want anyone to know. He wouldn't even have told his director if he hadn't been 'forced' to do so.

"Roger, I swear if you tell anyone I'll kill you or so God help me," he croaked.

"Don't you worry too much about that," Roger said shaking his head slightly. "I won't. And in case you're planning to threaten Carmen as well, he won't say a word too."

What a relief. But what was this about then?

"But let me ask you one thing. If you spent so much effort in breaking them up, why don't you set things right?"

"Because...," Max hesitated. This was hard to explain. He took a deep breath. "Because...well..."

"Don't you know?" Roger raised his eyebrows.

God damn it! Yes! He didn't actually know. He didn't even know why this bothered him so much. After all no one can choose whom he falls for, right? But admitting it felt just too strange. This wasn't him. Not at all. Max could slap himself for allowing these kinds of feeling at all. He swore not to let anything like that happen ever again. There was too much at stake. Not only their friendship, but also his reputation. Someone like him couldn't just step in front of people proclaiming he turned gay all of a sudden. He even shuddered thinking about this. And he figured speaking it out loud would be hell. No there was no way he could do it.

Plus, he was afraid of Leo's reaction. He obviously was still desperate to get Ulla back. And who could blame him? He was a young good-looking man and deserved to be happy. There was nothing Max could offer him at all. And losing the little bit he owned of his partner was the thing he dreaded most of all. So why risking it? After all it worked out fine until now. It surely could be the way it was again as soon as Leo got over that swedish slut. And Max would just clutter himself up with work until he would nip these emotions in the bud.

"I...I didn't realize myself back when," he answered. "I didn't know what I was doing."

"Hm, I see," Roger said. "You realized too late..."

"I would change it if I could, believe me."

Wow! Max was surprised by that sudden wave of honesty coming from himself. He didn't plan to say it. But it was the truth.

"Well, you should definitely try to find a way to live with it," Roger answered.

"What do you mean?"

"You cannot suffocate it," Roger looked him straight in the eyes and it felt like being stabbed all of a sudden. "Believe me. You can either accept it or run from it."

"In that case I'd run!" Max answered dryly.

"I thought you'd say that," The taller man grinned. "But well, that's exactly why this not-talking nonsense must stop. Sooner or later people will suspect anything. And Leo will..."

"You think?" God! Why did this notion make him feel that insecure? All Roger wanted to accomplish is seeing him crying his heart out to find Leo denying him, right? Although thinking about it, Roger never did anything like that. In fact he never did any harm to Max at all. Not like he'd done a thousand times.

"Carmen is taking him to Ulla right now," He heard Roger say.

"What?" Max didn't believe what he was hearing. "Why?"

"So he'll find the answer to whatever he is questioning. There's no way around it. He needs to talk to her."

"Why are you helping me? Carmen hates me..."

Roger nodded. "Yes, but he doesn't hate Leo. And if it helps you two to get along again it's very well worth it."

Maybe he was right. Maybe Leo had to get his heart broken again to realize this woman meant no good for him. And then maybe things had a chance to get back to how they were.

So, Max nodded.

"I am sorry," He said, looking down. "I know this shouldn't have happened...Is there something wrong with me?"

He tried hard to smile, but it was even harder to do. To his surprise Roger put his hand compassionately on his shoulder.

"Yes," he answered quietly and smiled at him. "But it's the same thing that's wrong with all of us!"

He wouldn't say anything more and just led Max to the door again. But before he opened it again, he stopped Max once more.

"You know, there is one chance he won't deny you," he almost whispered. "It is tiny, of course. But it still is a chance..."

But Max shook his head. "I won't tell him," He said.

"I see," Roger smiled, staring into space. "You're not the risky type of guy then?"

"No," Max answered, looking sincere. "But I am not a backup plan, and definitely not a second choice!"

Thus did he leave a bewildered Roger alone without paying any more attention to him.

It took Roger quite a moment to grasp what he just heard. And that realization almost made him laugh with joy.

"Who would have thought that?" He asked himself, giggling. "After all those years he finally loves someone and just like everyone is afraid of getting hurt more than anything else."

….

Leo swallowed hard. He didn't think Carmen would lead him to Ulla right away.

They were standing in front of that hotel room for an eternity now. Leo had his hand raised to knock on her door but it was just like someone was holding him back. He just couldn't do it. A million doubts jumped into his mind. Was this really a good idea? She didn't want him back. And as hard as he had pretended he didn't want to start that chapter anew, he simply had to admit he secretly wished for it.

Carmen stood next to him, watching him closely.

"Go on," he whispered. "I am here. I promise I won't go away. I'll wait right here."

Leo nodded shortly and then timidly knocked on that door.

He heard that well-known voice of her asking him to come in. He cast one last look at Carmen, who nodded approvingly and entered that room.

Carefully he closed the door behind himself.

Ulla was welcoming him exuberantly. He never knew her otherwise. There was hardly a time she went mad or grumpy. He'd always blamed it on her lack of understanding everything perfectly.

She almost flew towards him and flung her arms around him. Leo was surprised how strange that felt, even though everything was way too familiar. Her looks, her voice, her smell...Just everything.

"Leo," She cooed. "Ulla happy to see you."

"It's nice to see you too," he croaked, having troubles to find his proper voice all of a sudden. Why was he here? It confused him deeply to ask that question, even though it was only in his head. What did he want from her? Suddenly he didn't remember anything. It had something to do with...making it up to her. Right!

But just as he wanted to say anything, Ulla started again.

"Ulla knew Leo vould come and say sorry," she almost sang.

"Yes...Well, I...," he stopped. "What?"

"Nasty things this vere Leo accused Ulla with," she continued and pouted her mouth. She tried to look innocent shortly after that and put on er most girlish smile.

"Apologize?"

"Ya," she said. "Ulla knew Leo never really meant her cheating on him. That's vhat Leo was angry about and left, vasn't it?"

"I...No!" Leo said shocked. "You did after all cheat on me!"

How could she say something like that? He'd caught her in the act. With that dancer. And then she told him she wanted to go on tour with him and he was only in his way. He remembered clearly. She moved out of their apartment that exact evening.

"Oooh such old things," she said, turning to him once more. She stepped closer and flung her arms around his neck. He felt uncomfortable with it. She was being too close. Way too close.

Funny. Why did this bother him that much all of a sudden?

"After all, my sweetheart," she continued. "You vere cheating as well. So, vhy not forget about it?"

She bend forward trying to kiss him, but Leo backed away looking at her wide-eyed. Max had been right...

"I never once...," he started, but she was faster.

"Vhat about all that talk about Max," she asked. "Making Ulla jealous all the time..."

"What?"

"Leaving Rio because of him. And then you vent to jail and after coming back to wife all you did vas running to Max every day again. Leo never talked to Ulla anymore," she explained. "And then blaming Ulla... Vhere Leo has been the meanie..."

Leo didn't believe his ears. She was standing there in front of him turning everything around. She was the one who cheated. Max had suggested it a hundred times. And he never wanted to hear it. He never even wanted to check. And he had been right.

Leo remembered the moment he caught her with that dancer. His whole world shattered in an instance. And Max tried to warn him.

So how could she dare to turn him into the villain here? Talking about Max wasn't betrayal. Spending time with him wasn't either. And thinking about him...

Leo gasped. He just noticed he did exactly what she was accusing him of. Even while fighting everything she threw at him he only thought about Max.

It felt almost as if he was about to break down. Wide-eyed he looked at her, not able to say yet another word. She was right. She! Was! Right!

Leo felt his breath getting faster and his heart starting to pound.

He never cared for her anymore. She had been fine aside him, but she never had been the most important person in his life. She had been supposed to...

What did this mean? That question echoed through his head and it almost made it burst. An unknown pain pierced through his body all of a sudden.

If she was right all along... If she...

No! This couldn't be...

Leo felt a panic arising inside of him. Ulla tried to calm him down and wanted to hold him once more, but he backed away again almost falling over.

"Don't!" he managed to stutter... He looked at her in panic and she held his gaze.

He felt he could not bare that stare. He got up as quickly as he could and almost flew out of the door.

Carmen, still standing next to it, saw him rushing by but wasn't fast enough to stop him.

He turned and looked into the puzzled face of Ulla, who was left behind in the door frame.

"What happened?" he asked.

Ulla shrugged. "Ulla didn't do anything."

…...

"He did run, huh?"

Max was surprisingly calm when Carmen and Roger told him. He'd expected something like that. Leo had never been really good with facing emotional situations. And since neither of them could tell him what happened exactly he only assumed it had to do with seeing Ulla again. Maybe he did face too much of emotional pain which came up. And maybe he wasn't really over their 'splitting up' yet.

"Are you gonna do anything?" Carmen asked earnestly.

"Why should I?" Max answered, looking at the slender man. "It was your idea to bring him there. He's probably sitting in his apartment crying his heart out right now. He'll get over it... Just give him a few days."

Carmen was furious. Roger held him back before he could say anything he might regretted. And Max knew. He saw it too, but there was no other way he could react. So, he turned and sorted some of his papers as if nothing had happened.

"Alright, Max! Your choice," Carmen said. "But believe me, if he suffers because of you then you'll have me to content with! So you better not dare!"

Then Carmen turned leaving him with Roger, who only looked at him incomprehensible.

"He's got a point, you know," Roger simply said before he started to run after his partner.

Max shrugged. What did they know? He told them before he wasn't gonna tell him. So, if Leo chose to face Ulla again it was his decision. The fact he got hurt was his own fault as well.

And if he indeed was bawling his eyes out just now he probably needed anything but Max to tell him he said so.

Max sighed. Poor Leo. He never wished for him having to live through this again. That's what he wanted to prevent him for. Nothing ever turned out to last forever and most certainly no love was meant to last. He knew. Life taught him. And if Leo had to learn it the hard way as well, so be it.

He only wished for him to be okay...

….

That thought didn't let go of him until the evening. When he sat in his office again, still brooding over papers and tons of actor's CV's.

He moaned and rested his head for a moment on his hands, slowly rubbing his eyes. This sure would work so much better if that little bastard he called his mind didn't distract him him all the time.

"Oh, come on now," he thought. "There are other things to focus on than worrying about that kid..."

But deep within he knew he was only trying to fool himself. He wanted to work. Working, after all, helped changing his thoughts...even if only for a few more minutes. There was no way he could think of any sleep. He knew exactly the soon he tried to rest, all these dark thoughts would find their way to his head again.

Max sighed once more, turning to the french-windows and simply staring outside.

This was unbelievably hard.

If only he was able to change this damn feeling of guilt inside somehow.

Why did Leo have to cause this all of a sudden anyway? It wasn't there before.

Or maybe it was? He couldn't tell for sure. Maybe, he simply didn't notice. Or maybe he was slowly losing his mind. Either way, he wanted to get rid of these feelings growing stronger inside of him. They never caused any good in his life and this was doomed to not be an exception. So, why bother about it? All he had to do is finding the switch to turn it off.

Only he never experienced it being so hard to do before...

What the...! Max shook his head. Why was he thinking such a nonsense? This just proved he needed to sleep; needed some rest.

"I am not myself. That's all," he said more to himself.

But then he raised his head rapidly as a timid knock on his door stabbed the deafening silence around him.

He listened for a second. There was nothing anymore. Maybe he had imagined it. After all, it was way past midnight.

Max slowly shook his head, looking at huge piles of paper works on his desk once more.

"That's really it," he thought.

But then, there was a second knock. He wasn't imagining it.

Hesitantly, Max moved towards the door. He didn't expect anyone at this time and opened the door haltingly. But all his suspicion and wondering was blown away within seconds. He felt his face change into a desperate expression when he looked into Leo's red face. He was soaking wet, which told Max it must have been raining outside and he was obviously freezing. His brown hair clutched his face in long thin strands and Max felt a wave of compassion coming over him when he looked into the red eyes of the younger man. Had he been crying? All the signs were there...

"I...," Leo started slowly, but stopped as if he didn't know what to say. Then he took a deep breath. "Could I stay here for a few days?"

Max could barely hear his voice at all but he understood perfectly.

And without wasting another thought about it, he stepped forward, taking Leo into his arms and holding him tight. And even though Leo didn't say a word, Max was certain tears were running down his face once more as he simply hugged him back.

He didn't know what to say nor did it really matter whether any of them spoke or not. They simply stood there and somehow Max wished this moment would never end.

And just as he reminded himself of abandoning this 'something' he felt inside, he heard Leo's croaking voice again:

"You were right all along...!"

The end


End file.
